Winning Him Back—with Jealousy?

After three happy years with my first love, I ruined things by turning clingy, depressed and negative when we moved apart for grad school. Not surprisingly, he eventually broke it off, and I actually begged him to return. We now live in the same city, know the same people, and often see one another at art galleries, the theater, etc. How do I ease the awkwardness between us, let him see I’m the woman he fell in love with, and win him back? Dear Cait, Oh, the I-cringe-at-my-own-past-desperate-behavior feeling! We’ve all been there. Yet precisely because you tried so hard to hang onto Dan back then, it’s imperative that you do *nothing* to ease the tension now. In fact, I’d suggest increasing the awkwardness…

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Q&A from “Hard-To-Get? Mating-Centrism and Other Pitfalls of Early Dating”

Do all men live in hierarchy—seeking status and needing cues of elusiveness to emotionally connect? Are some guys scared off or disgusted by women who are hard-to-get? What happens if you’ve got dates with two different guys on a weekend—and they ask what you’re doing when not with them? Is H2G the same thing as Being A Bitch? Is it possible to be *too* hard-to-get? And what if you want to learn to be H2G—but aren’t sure you can? Read on!

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Hard-To-Get? Mating-Centrism and Other Pitfalls Of Early Dating

Dear Duana, I’m a therapist with a question about my client, “Suzy”. After just three weeks of dating “Steve”, she’s already refusing to see others, but he hasn’t said anything about their being exclusive. I know this is the wrong strategy for finding a good man, but I don’t know what to tell her about why, and what she should say and do instead. Any advice? Dear Therese, You’re absolutely right. If she wants anything long-term later, Suzy needs to keep dating others now, and more than that—she needs to say so to Steve. But I’ll bet Suzy doesn’t see it that way. She probably thinks dating others will turn Steve away, feels dishonest about dating around, wants to avoid hurting his feelings by showing him a clear path ahead, and hopes that by showing early commitment, she can influence Steve to reciprocate. Unfortunately, that’s wrong x 4.

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Comments from “Passionate Kisses: Too much to ask?”

Wise Readers, Your resounding response to the Passionate Kisses column? No!—It’s not too much to ask! Beyond that, you had questions: Why is the husband’s (but not wife’s) memory for courtship such an important predictor of whether a marriage will last? Is there a distinction between emotional and physical passion—and can either one last forever? What if you’ve got a permanent relationship problem—can you still be happy? Read on!

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Passionate Kisses: Too much to ask?

Dear Duana,Meg and I have been married 17 years, but we’ve never had a spark when we’ve kissed—even from day one. Does the lack of passion in our kissing mean anything? Or should it be enough to have values and interests in common? Dear Bart, Your questions remind me of “Passionate Kisses” song-writer Lucinda Williams’ lyric: “Is it too much to ask?” Absolutely not—yet you aren’t feeling it, and say you never did. Here’s why I don’t believe it, and what you can do to put some Zip in your Doo Dah…

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