PORN: pastime or peril?

Sorry; no pictures here. But you really are here for the articles…right? Right?!?

And in that spirit, Readers, here are two notes your cohorts sent regarding pornography and marital happiness—the first from a man, the second from a woman:

“I think that happiness, including sexual, can be satisfied in many ways both with and without influences outside of the marital relationship. Unfortunately, one answer to what the effects of porn are on marital well-being is, “It depends.” There is such a huge dynamic involved. Full disclosure: I have looked at boobies on the Internet. I love my wife and in no way think that those other boobies have changed the way I feel about her.” —Sam

“I am already pretty insecure about my own sexiness quotient, and I think feeling sexy to your mate is key to being able to open up and fulfill both of your sexual and emotional desires. Knowing that my mate needs to fill his thrill with external stimulants does not make me more inclined to open up more — in fact it has the opposite effect. On the other hand, it is probably all in the approach — light porn shared between secure partners might serve to rev the engine. But porn found stashed on the computer or behind t-shirts in the closet is not the best way to ignite my flame. :) Unless it’s the flame behind my eyes…” —Gina

So who’s right? Is porn a mere pastime, a marital peril, or some combination of the two? Certainly, the question is not an idle one; porn outsells all other forms of media combined every year, and the National Research Council reports that in the USA, porn is a bigger money-maker than all pro sports together. Just last week, Utah’s residents were reported to be America’s top Internet-porn “end users” (pun intended), with much hoopla ensuing about What It All Means.

Happily for us, for almost 30 years, well-regarded researchers such as Dr. Neil Malamuth and Dr. Ed Donnerstein have studied porn’s effects. Experiments abound; conclusive, cause-based answers—no wussy mere correlations here!—exist.

And the first conclusion is: Viewing porn *causes* increased male violence against women and increased male acceptance of violence against women—IF and only if the porn viewed is violent. In the typical rape porn script, women who are initially unwilling appear to become enthusiastic participants in their degradation, ultimately screaming out for more. In these experiments, men are randomly assigned to view violent porn or non-violent porn or non-porn, and are then given opportunities to behave so that the researchers can compare the groups’ resulting attitudes and behaviors. It is now well-documented that men who experience violent porn are more accepting of such violence, believe sexual violence is not such a big deal, rate injuries real women have sustained as not being severe, recommend 50% lighter prison sentences for real rapists, and –most compelling—they actually harm women. For example, in one such experiment by Donnerstein, men who viewed a violent porn film gave higher shocks to a woman who made a learning error than did the men who viewed a non-violent porn or non-porn movie (the violent-porn viewers also gave much lower shocks to a man who made a learning mistake). The men were not actually administering shocks; but they fully believed that they were.

Yet most of the porn consumed today is non-violent; everyone in the images is portrayed as ready, willing, able, and of legal age. So what are the effects there? First, the good news: Non-violent porn viewing among non-addicted observers does not cause mates to stop loving one another, nor to actively harm one another. If a spouse is devoting a lot of time and money to porn consumption, that is taking away from the couple’s bond—but that can be said of any activity with an inappropriate focus of time, dollars and energy.

On the other hand, you can forget this rationale: “Honey, I actually want you more if I watch porn!” Although porn can have a very temporary effect of making men want to have sex with the nearest acceptable person—such as their spouse—the longer-term impact is not positive for the marital bond. Simply put, porn makes men less excited by and attracted to their mates. Experiments by Kenrick, Zillman and others show that men who have recently viewed porn rate their own partners as substantially less desirable and attractive than men who watch non-porn material. (To a much lesser degree, this is true of watching gorgeous creatures generally; even men who have recently seen an episode of “Charlie’s [fully-clothed] Angels” rate photos of a normal, unknown woman as plain…plain.)

We’ve paid a lot of attention to men’s perceptions; they buy and watch the vast majority of the porn, and that’s where most of the research has focused. What of women’s post-porno experience? In a nutshell, women are more physically turned on by porn in the moment than they admit; women worry about their mates finding them less appealing after the women have seen porn; women see themselves as less desirable after watching porn; and women flatly reject the idea that they would want to be raped.

So, Sam and Gina: You’re both partly right. Sam, you’re almost certainly not less in love with your wife for having seen a few extra boobies, although unless hers are truly supreme, you may find yourself less attracted to hers than before. And Gina, if your physique compares unfavorably to the perfect pay-per-view bodies, you’re feeling appropriately threatened vis-à-vis your desirableness to your mate. And both of you: In no case is porn actually helping your marriage.

What’s a guy or girl to do? Obviously, avoid the violent stuff. As for non-violent porn, it’s no marital happiness promoter, but it’s not necessarily the home-wrecker it’s been cast as, either.

Cheers,

Duana

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All material copyrighted by Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., 2009

Comments

[Daniel]

I'm just glad that the column recognizes truth/fact wherever it is found, and does not judge the value of a fact by the source of the fact or whether that fact is pleasant, agreeable, or politically correct.

[Duana]

Thank you, Daniel. When I first piloted this article on Facebook, many people wanted me to say that people who view porn are bad people, or are deviant. But research shows neither of those ideas is right. Men who use porn don't typically become addicts or rapists, they don't leave their spouses, they don't have worse psych profiles than non-viewers. I don't like porn and wish it would disappear, but that is my personal view as a woman.
The view that porn makes one a deviant is a moral standpoint hat people have a right to, but there's no factual evidence to support it. As Adams famously said, we're entitled to our own opinions--but not to our own facts.

[Gabriel C.]

Pron, my way of poking fun at the industry, will always be around like the "oldest profession". The Internet showed the world how much demand there is for this type of entertainment. I believe it is a pastime when spouses enjoy it together or when it is a known and accepted form of activity partaken by one spouse. It can possibly enhance lovemaking by partners who take pointers from some of the interesting positions and techniques. The perilous side happens when it is available to minors. No minor should watch porn. It is also a peril when it is a hidden habit and when one spouse finds it utterly objectionable and banishes it from the home. If the actively watching partner doesn't abide with the others objections, then the marriage could be in trouble. Porn is not reality. Its Hollywood. But when one thinks it is reality, porn becomes a total peril.

[Duana C. Welch, Ph.D.]

Good points, Gabriel. The scientific literature I reviewed assumed adult male participation (and, occasionally, adult female participation); I agree it should not be consumed by minors because clearly, it gives an unrealistic view of human sexuality at a point in development where the prefrontal cortex is still maturing and is easily influenced. The prefrontal cortex--responsible for much of one's personality and ability to be a self-controlled, responsible, moral person--does not finish "cooking" until the age of 25.

[Carmen Gaines]

My husband and I have been married 42 years. Our current life no longer involves porn. But in earlier, more innocent years, we read Playboy and Penthouse together, chuckled at the photos, tried some of the ideas. We also viewed porn films together, commenting on them and trying some of the ideas. We really enjoyed going to strip clubs together (before the days of poles) and commenting on the girls' dancing abilities (I have always been a good dancer) and sexual electricity. There was never any thought of porn as anything other than a turn-on for both of us. I often danced for my sweetie nude at home, using some of the ideas we saw in the strip clubs. Of course, we had a mature, committed relationship. It was something we always did together. 'Nuff said.

[Duana C. Welch, Ph.D.]

Several readers have privately enquired where they might learn more about the reason men are so drawn to porn. I can highly, highly recommend the extremely readable, riveting The Evolution Of Desire - Revised Edition 4 by Dr. David M. Buss. If there is a better scientific, accurate explanation anywhere of what men want, what women want, and why...I would be astounded.