Want To Be Less Avoidant? Have More Positive Experiences With Your Partner
Wise Readers: Is your or your partner’s attachment style avoidant—that is, do you/they fear being smothered? Simply adding positive small daily experiences can help the avoidant partner feel more bonded and trusting—that is, to embrace more closeness.
Weirdly, though, positive experiences with their partner *did not* help ppl with an anxious style (those who fear being abandoned). The researchers say this about it:
“”One should keep in mind that positive relationship experiences are not cure-alls for achieving attachment security,” Gunaydin told PsyPost. “In our research, positive relationship experiences contributed to lower romantic avoidance, but not lower romantic anxiety. Romantic anxiety is characterized by worrying that your partner might reject or abandon you. But experiencing positive things in your relationship doesn’t seem to significantly alleviate these worries.”
“”According to recent theorizing (Attachment Security Enhancement Model by Ximena Arriaga and colleagues), anxious attachment is linked with having negative self-views. So, based on this framework, behaviors counteracting negative self-views (such as encouraging your partner to independently pursue their own goals) likely play a more pivotal role in reducing romantic anxiety.
“”Moreover, all participants in our studies experienced a relationship transition as they were in the initial months of either a new dating relationship or a marriage,” Gunaydin explained. “Starting a new relationship, getting married, becoming parents, or breaking up are often seen as key events that offer greater possibilities for changing attachment patterns. So, our participants were at an ideal time in their relationship to test the links between positive relationship events and romantic avoidance. However, further research is needed to see to whether our findings would hold for couples in more stable periods of their relationship.””
https://www.psypost.org/2022/10/psychologists-have-uncovered-a-key-factor-that-helps-to-thwart-romantic-avoidance-64020
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