Finding your own Mr. Darcy: I loved being on this podcast at Your Brilliance! Hope you love it too:
How many times have you wondered if you should just settle?
You’re never going to find someone who’s got everything you want. And if you DO manage to find him, he won’t be interested in you anyway.
It’s depressing.
Dr. Duana Welch wasn’t finding this easy, either. She dated some pretty picture-perfect men, only to realize they bored her. Was it too much to expect that he be good-looking, successful AND interesting?
Instead of giving up, she tried a different tactic. She decided to use her research skills as an academic to find out what really were the deal-breakers in romantic relationships … and which qualities didn’t matter so much after all.
She reveals the results of that research—and her own happily-ever-after—with us in this week’s YBTV interview.
The physical attraction has to be there, but it’s okay if you don’t feel it immediately. Attraction often grows as you get to know one another.
Love changes how you look at people. For example, her husband is more handsome now than he was when they first met.
This is the man I love, and I’m not able to see him objectively anymore—nor should I be able to. Love makes people beautiful. I tie him in with every warm, loving feeling that I have, and I wouldn’t change how he looks.”
Find someone who’s a lot like you, who’s attracted to you as much as you’re attracted to him, and you have the foundation for a great relationship.
These days, Dr. Welch coaches clients who are seeking the love of a lifetime. “If someone is in any phase of relationship—from preparing for relationship to determining what the next step is to maybe having to exit a relationship—that’s who I work with.” Her clients are male and female, gay and straight, trans and cisgender. “It doesn’t matter to me. I want everyone to have love.”
She’s also written two books for singles. Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do is “the first book that uses science instead of opinion to guide men and women to find the right partner.”
Her second book, Love Factually for Single Parents and Those Dating Them, is coming out January 7, 2019. It’s “a science-based advice book that is intended to help single parents or someone dating a single parent to determine how to get into the right relationship and how to keep that relationship.”
Get started on your own “right relationship” by visiting Dr. Welch’s websitefor a free chapter of either book.
Jump to Topics of Interest
1:48 Dr. Welch’s own search for love
4:15 The wisdom of Jane Austen
5:06 Don’t make height and looks a deal-breaker
6:38 Love makes us see our beloved as even more handsome as the years go by
8:29 The standards you should keep and those you should compromise on
9:25 If you have youth and beauty, you can hold out for the “perfect” man
10:07 The difficulty of landing that rich, handsome, successful man who’s also faithful to you
11:45 How do you know if you love him enough to marry him?
12:30 Why it’s so hard not to fall in love with someone you’re just sleeping with
12:59 How to know if he’s attracted to you
13:46 Arranged marriages
14:30 Love is necessary but not sufficient
15:25 Dr. Welch’s coaching practice
16:35 Dr. Welch’s books
18:02 The sentence that sums up all the science on intimate relationships
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