Wise Readers,
Evolutionary Psych explains why bodice-readers sell, but why *this* particular one? Are people who are into bondage really any more damaged than anyone else? And…fantasy may not be real, but can it be really harmful?
Read on!
From Leslie & Leah: —Why *This* Book?—
From Tom—Dang!—
And from Jackie: —Any Research On Whether The BDSM Folks Are Any More Screwed Up Than Other People?—
From Leslie: I have read all three of the Gray novels (I’m almost ashamed to say) and Duana, you are spot on. They are poorly written, true. Formulaic…even more true. But you point out exactly what it is women love about these novels. The puzzling thing is why THESE novels more than any others, because they are exactly like the ridiculous bodice rippers I read in high school. My guess is they came along at the right time, in the age of the e-reader, when women could purchase and read them without drawing any unwanted attention from booksellers, friends, or family members. But that’s just a hunch.
From Leah: Love this article, Duana. I started reading the trilogy, but couldn’t get past the horrible writing and non-existent plot and so I never finished the first book. I am ashamed to say that I can’t help but judge my friends who say they loved it. To each his own, I guess.
I agree with Leslie about why this particular book is so popular. I wouldn’t be caught dead with the paperback in my hands, but having it loaded onto my Kindle made it very easy for me to secretly read it in public and in front of my family.
From Tom: Dang, Dr D … you tied together a lot of loose ends that I (as a guy) was only dimly acknowledging before.
Thanks ;-)
PS: Quoted from your article: “He gives up having the world to make *her* his world, doing whatever it takes to utterly conquer her heart and hind.”
____
Please tell me this is not a typo … because if it *is*, you’re brilliant even when being unintentional ;-)
From Jackie: Dr. D: You are spot on. The original question was, “Why are they so popular?” and you resoundingly answered it, research-based as far as women’s fantasies. I hadn’t realized that’s what I was getting into when I began reading. Had I known that’s what it was, maybe I could have suspended any reality and enjoyed the ride more. When reading fiction, of any sort, once I lose trust in the author, I have a hard time not picking apart the book. So, maybe you can answer some of my questions. :-)
It is my understanding that, as far as BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadomasochism) goes, that often the men that are in real life powerful and wealthy, prefer being the submissive in a dominant/submissive relationship. Does research back that up?
Also, and I’m sure this makes books and movies more interesting, but why are the people that are portrayed as participating in the BDSM lifestyle somehow seriously damaged? The movie “Secretary” (well-written and acted), and “50 Shades,” I view them both as, essentially, love stories. In “Secretary,” the title character was a self-loathing, self-cutting child of an alcoholic. In “50 Shades of Grey,” the title character was a child adopted from a “crack whore” that had cigarette burns on his body (sorry if this a spoiler for anyone). I find it disturbing that the mainstream critique mentality is that those who participate voluntarily in BDSM are somehow portrayed as either being f****d up, or are somehow setting back the women’s movement, when really, it’s about what turns someone on. BDSM, to me, is basically role play - it doesn’t mean that I want to be dominated in real life (even if the roles extend outside the bedroom). Any research on this?
Thank you so much.
Duana’s response:
Dear Leslie, brilliant! I concur with Leah in thinking you’re spot on; it’s likely that a huge propellant of Shades’ sales has been its instantaneous, secret accessibility on e-readers. Women can read Shades in front of the in-laws and kids, and nobody will be the wiser.
Why Shades and not some other erotica/romance, though? I’d need to know more about marketing, word-of-mouth, and perhaps even read it to begin to understand… ;).
And Leah, I refused to read Shades but have been intrigued by others’ letters about it. I’m not averse to a good fleshly romp, but I am a bit of a writing snob; Jane Eyre and Pride & Prejudice are read almost annually on my Kindle, and I wish those stories had some really hot sex scenes, but times being what they were, no dice. So from what everyone has said, I’ll await a smarter bit of smut.
Tom, I’m happy you liked the article and the typo that wasn’t ;). It was great fun to write, although very difficult to restrain myself from moralizing on the possible downsides of encouraging fantasies about pain.
Which brings me to you, Jackie. I love your letter. And by the way, I loved the movie Secretary and viewed it as you did: essentially a love story between two damaged people. I had wondered if Shades had, er, shades of similarities; and if it does, it makes it far easier for me to see how the trilogy could take off as it has. (Except for the alleged bad writing. That really cannot be borne or excused, can it? Even for millions of pounds? I digress…)
Anyway, to your queries: I am woefully ignorant of all matters BDSM and am sure the link here provides much more information than I currently know: http://www.transcendingboundaries.org/resources/bdsm-101.html. Anecdotally, one reads that people who are into it are otherwise normal folks, no more screwed up than anyone else, and that their relationships are not abusive because they are at the very core consensual. But from a science standpoint, I’ve got nothin’.
Nothin’ except that you’re right that if people see BDSM as role play, then they are drawing a line between fantasy and reality. Hence, for example, the notorious ‘safe word’ that breaks the bond(age); if the cruelty were perceived as real, no word or series of words would be agreed upon as safe. Please keep in mind, though, that’s just my opinion. There may well be research on BDSM, but I’m ignorant of it. Could be a good topic for a future article, though, and I thank you for the idea.
Jackie’s response:
Thank you, Dr. D. It just seems that in numerous online critiques of 50 Shades, readers (women) fear that the book’s popularity will cause our girls to grow up and seek abusive relationships, or to not see their own self-worth. Evidently, BDSM is underground quite a bit because people greatly misunderstand it, take it for abuse, and practitioners fear losing custody of their children. For me, it’s just another way to spice things up within a long-term relationship.
Duana’s response: —Just Because It’s Fantasy Doesn’t Mean It’s Harmless—
Jackie, I do have to say that I, too, have concerns about the implications of fantasies that involve violence. Or fantasies that leave out violence but just show us relationships that are unrealistic and superior in some ways to our own.
We know from a lot of research that when men watch violent porn (porn with a rape script), the porn causes the men to become more accepting of violence against women, and to think women really mean Yes when they say No. Also, non-violent porn doesn’t get a free pass; it causes men to devalue their current real-life relationship, so that they feel less commitment and attraction to their partner as a direct result of watching porn. I use the word ‘cause’ because these are experiments and thus show cause. (The relevant article is here: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/love-science-media/porn-pastime-or-peril.html).
What we don’t have, to my knowledge, are randomized, controlled experiments about romance novels’ impact on women’s perceptions of themselves or their relationships. But it’s well-known that the overlap between men’s and women’s psyches is much greater than the difference. It would seem unrealistic to take the proof that men are negatively impacted by repeated exposure to their own fantasies writ large, and then say that women are not affected by romance novels.
Also, social psychology experiments have repeatedly shown that anytime we expose a person to those who have it better than they themselves—better car, better home, better anything—then the person becomes less happy with what they have. It’s called upward social comparison, and it’s a great way to make people miserable and discontented. Fantasies in movies, books, porn…all of them are showing us ‘better-than’ scenarios.
My guess? Fifty Shades is probably titillating in the moment, but none too healthy thereafter for those who want to love their sex life and their partner as-is. Impossible standards are just that. Loving what is, as long as it’s got a lot of kindness and respect, is far better for our heads, hearts, and other parts.
Jackie’s response:
Dr. D, I agree with what you’ve written, and already knew the effects of porn on relationships, and certainly do not advocate violence (I find sexualized violence especially abhorrent). But what actually happened in the book seemed pretty “light” - mostly a head game about toys, and saying,”Yes, Sir,” for example. The fact that he was dysfunctional when it came to relationships is not a surprise to me, not even considering his tragic early childhood. As a society, we have few models of good relationships to imitate, and, IMO, this is even more widespread today. Heck, I think I’d be more worried about my tween girl YouTubing “how to lap dance” and making a DIY video on her phone, and putting it on the web. Meanwhile, I’ll model a healthy loving relationship, and keep my toys hidden.
Duana’s response:
Jackie, agreed on all points. This whole thing sounds like an adult version of Twilight—an experience where you just want the girl to get a life, already, and for the writing to please, please improve. But I read Twilight before writing that comment, and still haven’t read Shades…
From Mocha’s Mom: —Ultimate Fantasy?—
So, the ultimate fantasy is to combine the types women are attracted to. Bad boys produce the babies that go out and spread your genes around like crazy. Good guys protect and feed their babies. So find a bad boy, make him a good guy by the sheer strength of your womanly amazingness, and you’ve got both in one handy package.
Evolution is a bitch.
Duana’s response:
Dear M.M..
Pretty much!
Cheers,
Duana
Do you have a question for Duana? Email her at Duana@LoveScienceMedia.com. Your letter will receive a personal answer, and if it is used on-site, your identity and some details will be altered to maintain your anonymity.
All material copyrighted by Duana C. Welch, Ph.D., and LoveScienceMedia, 2012.
Related LoveScience articles:
The article this one is based on: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/love-science-media/bullcrit-fifty-shades-of-gr-umevolutionary-psychology.html
Why Porn Is Boring (to women): http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/love-science-media/why-porn-is-boringto-women.html
Men and Porn: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/love-science-media/porn-pastime-or-peril.html
The author wishes to thank the following scientists and sources:
Bruce Ellis and Donald Symons, for their research into men’s and women’s sexual fantasies and the evolutionary psychology underpinning them. If you want to read the article, here’s the citation: Ellis, B. J., & Symons, D. (1990). “Sex differences in sexual fantasy: An evolutionary psychological approach.” Journal of Sex Research, 27, 527-556. Or it’s available for online purchase here: http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/3812772?uid=3739920&uid=2129&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21101128074337
David Buss, as ever, for his outstanding chapter reviewing studies on men’s and women’s fantasies in his book The Evolution Of Desire (Revised Edition).